Custody Exchanges: Time, Place and What Goes Wrong

Custody

Almost every recurring co-parenting conflict happens in a twenty-minute window in a parking lot. Here is how to write that window so it works.

On this page

1. Where plans fail
2. Choosing the place
3. Conduct at the exchange
4. When it keeps going wrong

The exchange is where plans fail

Almost every recurring co-parenting conflict happens in a twenty-minute window in a parking lot. The plan says the schedule but not the mechanics, and the mechanics are what two people who no longer get along have to execute fifty times a year.

Term	Vague version	Version that works
Time	After school	6:00 p.m., with a fifteen-minute grace period
Place	A mutually convenient location	The Huntersville Police Department lobby
Transport	The parents will arrange it	The receiving parent drives; the other has the child ready
Late	Be on time	After 30 minutes, the exchange is forfeited unless notice was given
Belongings	Send the child with their things	Medications, school bag, and one bag of clothing travel with the child
Communication	As needed	Logistics by app only; no discussion at the exchange

Choosing the place

School exchanges are the gold standard when the schedule allows them: the parents never meet, the child is not standing between two adults, and the timing is fixed by someone else. Where school exchanges are not possible, a neutral public location with cameras and light is the next best thing. Many police departments in the region, including in the Lake Norman towns, have designated safe exchange areas.

Conduct at the exchange

• Arrive on time. Chronic lateness is documented and it is persuasive.
• Stay in the vehicle if that is the arrangement.
• Do not discuss the case, money or the schedule. Use the app.
• Do not send messages through the child.
• Do not record the exchange as a matter of routine.
• Keep the handoff short. Long goodbyes are hard on children.

When it keeps going wrong

Handling repeated exchange problems

A dated, factual log is worth more than a narrative. Escalate in order rather than responding in kind.

Withholding the child in response to a missed exchange is almost always the wrong move. It converts the other parent’s violation into a shared problem and can expose you to a contempt motion. Document it and follow the order.

The exchange clause is four sentences long and it prevents more litigation than any other part of a parenting plan.Christopher Adkins, Adkins Law

Frequently asked questions

Where should custody exchanges happen?

School exchanges are ideal because the parents never meet. Otherwise a neutral, well-lit public location, including designated safe exchange areas at many police departments.

What if the other parent is always late?

Document the dates and times, raise it once in writing, and escalate through mediation or a motion. Do not withhold the child in response.

Can I record the exchange?

Routine recording usually escalates conflict and is noticed by courts. If there is a safety concern, get advice about the right way to document it.

Who drives?

Whatever the order says. A common arrangement is that the receiving parent drives, which gives each parent an incentive to be on time.

Rewrite the clause, not the relationship

Most exchange problems are drafting problems. Adkins Law can tighten the language by consent order without a contested hearing.

Call Adkins Law (704) 274-5677Text (704) 231-5762Request a consultation

Adkins Law, PLLC · 9620 Sherrill Estates Road, Huntersville, NC 28078 · Calling or texting does not create an attorney–client relationship.

Keep reading

• Building a parenting plan
• Child custody
• Safety and protective orders
• Mediation

About the author: Christopher Adkins

Chris Adkins is the founder of Adkins Law, PLLC in Huntersville, North Carolina, a certified mediator with the North Carolina Dispute Resolution Commission, a parenting coordinator, and the author of The Book on Divorce in North Carolina. He previously served six and a half years as a Charlotte-Mecklenburg police officer and served as a Combat Engineer officer in the North Carolina Army National Guard and U.S. Army Reserve, deploying to Kuwait in 2012–2013.

Read the full profile · Request a consultation · (704) 274-5677

This page provides general information about North Carolina law for educational purposes. It is not legal advice and does not create an attorney–client relationship. Statutes, court rules and local practice change, and the outcome of any case depends on its own facts. Speak with a licensed North Carolina attorney about your situation. Written by Christopher Adkins, attorney at Adkins Law, PLLC, Huntersville, North Carolina.