The First 30 Days After You Separate in North Carolina

Divorce and separation

The day someone moves out, a legal clock starts. Here is what to do in the first thirty days, what to gather, and the decisions that are hardest to undo.

On this page

1. The first week
2. Write down the date
3. Money in the first week
4. The children
5. Five things not to do

The first week

The day someone moves out, a legal clock starts and a great many practical decisions become harder to reverse. None of this requires a lawyer in the first week, but all of it benefits from a clear head.

The first thirty days after separating

None of this commits you to a course of action. All of it preserves your options.

Write down the date

The date of separation is the most consequential date in a North Carolina divorce and the one most couples never record. It fixes the values used to divide property, starts the one-year clock toward an absolute divorce, and is the dividing line for conduct that can affect alimony. If there is any chance of a dispute about the date, put it in writing early — a dated email confirming the move-out is better than nothing.

Money, in the first week

Do this	Why
Open an individual checking account	You need a place for your pay that the other spouse cannot drain
Pull statements for every account	Separation-month values are what get divided; they are harder to obtain later
Pull a credit report	Joint debts you forgot about will surface here, not in a conversation
Do not close joint accounts unilaterally	Closing accounts can create liability and looks bad later. Get advice first
Keep paying what you have been paying	Sudden changes in the status quo are the fastest route to an emergency hearing
Do not move large sums	Transfers before or after separation get scrutinized closely

None of this is about hiding anything. It is about being able to prove what existed on the day you separated.

The children, in the first month

Whatever schedule the two of you fall into during the first months tends to become the reference point for every later discussion. Courts are reluctant to disrupt a routine that is working for a child. That cuts both ways: an informal arrangement made in a hurry can be very hard to change.

• Agree on a temporary schedule in writing, even a simple one by text.
• Keep both parents involved in school and medical matters from the start.
• Do not discuss the case with the children or in front of them.
• Do not use the children to pass messages.
• Do not move the children out of the county or state without advice.

Five things not to do

The first month: do and do not

The fourth one on the right deserves emphasis. North Carolina still recognizes alienation of affection and criminal conversation claims, and conduct before the date of separation can bar or require alimony. The first month is exactly when people make the decision that costs them the most.

Almost nothing that happens in the first thirty days cannot be fixed, except the things people sign.Christopher Adkins, Adkins Law, Huntersville

Frequently asked questions

Does moving out hurt my case?

Not automatically, but it can affect a later argument about possession of the home, and it should not be done without advice if custody or the house is contested.

When does the one-year clock start?

On the date you begin living in separate residences with at least one spouse intending the separation to be permanent.

Should I close our joint accounts?

Not unilaterally. Get advice first. Closing accounts or moving large sums creates problems that are easier to avoid than to explain.

Do we need a written agreement right away?

Not immediately, but a simple written temporary schedule for the children prevents a great deal of conflict while you work out the rest.

Thirty days is when the important choices get made

A short conversation early is the cheapest thing in family law. Adkins Law can tell you which decisions in front of you are reversible and which are not.

Call Adkins Law (704) 274-5677Text (704) 231-5762Request a consultation

Adkins Law, PLLC · 9620 Sherrill Estates Road, Huntersville, NC 28078 · Calling or texting does not create an attorney–client relationship.

Keep reading

• Divorce and separation in North Carolina
• Separation agreements
• Property and debt division
• Child custody

About the author: Christopher Adkins

Chris Adkins is the founder of Adkins Law, PLLC in Huntersville, North Carolina, a certified mediator with the North Carolina Dispute Resolution Commission, a parenting coordinator, and the author of The Book on Divorce in North Carolina. He previously served six and a half years as a Charlotte-Mecklenburg police officer and served as a Combat Engineer officer in the North Carolina Army National Guard and U.S. Army Reserve, deploying to Kuwait in 2012–2013.

Read the full profile · Request a consultation · (704) 274-5677

This page provides general information about North Carolina law for educational purposes. It is not legal advice and does not create an attorney–client relationship. Statutes, court rules and local practice change, and the outcome of any case depends on its own facts. Speak with a licensed North Carolina attorney about your situation. Written by Christopher Adkins, attorney at Adkins Law, PLLC, Huntersville, North Carolina.